Rupture and Repair
Conflict, misunderstandings, and miscommunication are inevitable in the course of any relationship. When these ruptures occur in the parent-child relationship, they can disrupt the sense of connection. The key to creating a feeling of consistency and security between parent and child is the parent’s making an effort to repair the rupture. When repair follows rupture, children learn resilience. They are given the experience that big emotions can be OK and not something dangerous and frightening. They learn that things can get worked out. The world then appears as a safe place, where disagreements can be resolved and relationships can be sustained through conflict.
The experience of repair can actually lead to a deepening in the relationship as it builds trust in the strength of the connection and the desire to maintain it. Children learn the skill of repair through the modeling of the parent. Parents can model that everyone makes mistakes and that you can be upset with someone’s behavior and not the person as a whole. Storytelling/narrating the day’s events and points of rupture to children creates an opportunity for them to normalize and integrate the experience.
See also:
Conflict
Infant Cues
Mindful Parenting Program
Mutual Regulation/Co-Regulation
Reflective Parenting
Reflective Parenting Workshops