Discipline
All children need consistent guidelines and reasonable expectations to help them learn and to feel safe and understood. Discipline is most effective when approached as an opportunity to teach a child appropriate behavior, rather than as a punishment. A parent can be an invaluable resource when he or she is able to guide a child who is struggling with issues of impulse control and frustration tolerance.
Here are a few practices that will help parents think about discipline:
- Set up a daily routine that provides predictability. Children thrive on predictability.
- Offer choices. Sometimes you need to change the environment and not the behavior.
- Give a five-minute notice before ending play time to allow your child to transition.
- Tell your child what he can do as much as what he cannot do.
- Set a limit and stick to it every time. Consistency is critical.
- Acknowledge your child’s feelings while setting clear limits. Teach him to empathize with the experience of others: “I see that you are really sad, but Jane is not ready to give you her toy. Toys are not for grabbing from others...”
- Narrate the situation for your child, saying what you think he may be thinking and feeling as well as describing his actions. You are teaching your child to know and articulate his feelings and needs.
- Decide whether a problem really is a problem. Focus on the important behaviors and let some others go. Think, What are the important rules of the house? And always keep in mind why you wanted to be a parent in the first place: to enjoy your child!
(Adapted from Parent Effectiveness Training (PET) by Thomas Gordon)
See also:
Conflict
For further reading:
Positive Discipline, Jane Nelson, Ed.D. Random House
Positive Discipline for Preschoolers, by Jane Nelsen, Cheryl Erwin & Roslyn Duffy. Random House
www.positivediscipline.com/
www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/discipline
www.gordontraining.com/